


Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes

by fluffyhair



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: FAHC, Fake AH Crew, FakeHaus, GTA AU, Gen, Wow!, also there's swearing, ffhc, it doesn't get much worse than that, it's about the Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes game!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 17:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5173334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffyhair/pseuds/fluffyhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where's Joel? He's not answering his phone. Who sent us this mail? It looks like a small book. Oh, Joel is calling. Wait, this isn't Joel. He has to defuse a bomb? We have the instructions? Shit.<br/>AKA<br/>The Fake AH Crew has taken Joel hostage and the only way for the Funhaus Crew to save him is to help him solve their explosive death puzzle!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes

**Author's Note:**

> So "The Fake AH Crew has taken Joel hostage and the only way for the Funhaus Crew to save him is to help him solve their explosive death puzzle!" was the caption on exinspired.tumblr.com 's post about Funhaus' Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes video, and it inspired me.

"Hey, did you get the mail?" James asked Bruce as he walked into the kitchen of their crew's safehouse.

"Yeah, but I'm waiting for everyone to be here." Bruce answered, sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island. He was staring down an unopened envelope in his hands.

"Well," James began, scanning the rest of the house where he stood. "I know Adam is in the shower, Peake's on the couch with Spoole, Lawrence is probably getting it off in his room, and... Has Joel come home from last night?" he rattled off.

"No, but he's probably alright. Probably at Rosalind's, he heard she was in town." Bruce answered, his expression unchanged.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll survive not seeing one letter. Who's it addressed to anyways?" James asked as he jumped up to sit on the counter next to Bruce.

"All of us, it says Funhaus." Bruce answered, handing the envelope up for James to see. "But it doesn't have a return address." he continued, stumped.

James carefully took it from Bruce's hands, feeling the weight of it. It wasn't too heavy, but not all that light.

"What is it, a novel in here?" James asked, holding it up to the light to try and see the shape.

Bruce shrugged as Adam walked into the kitchen, looking freshly showered.

James patted Bruce's shoulder and placed the envelope on the counter. "Mail time!" He shouted, sliding himself off the counter and onto a barstool.

"What?" Adam asked as the Matt and Sean came into the kitchen to see.

"We got mail from someone." James answered.

"Okay?" Adam questioned. "Looks like it's a small book."

"That's what a thought too!" James exclaimed happily.

"I don't know who it's from." Bruce carefully peeled the envelope flap open at the suspense of the others.

"Maybe we should have Lawrence check this out first?" Spoole suggested. "What if it's something dangerous?"

"He's not here to check it." Bruce said as he got the envelope open. Sliding out the contents slowly, everyone leaned in to see what it was.

It was a stack of papers held together with a paper clip.

"It's a stack of papers?" Spoole questioned.

Matt reached over and flipped the stack over. On that side was a green post-it note.

'Where's your Jewhaus?' it read in a messy scrawl.

Immediately, Bruce pulled out his phone and dialed Joel's number. "Someone call Lawrence and find out where he is." he said while his phone was ringing.

Adam pulled out his phone and dialed Lawrence's number and waited.

James pulled the papers toward him slowly and took off the sticky note.

Peake and Spoole were both leaning on the counter, watching the others work in silence.

"Dammit." Bruce muttered, getting Joel's answering machine and dialing the number again.

"Guys." James said. Matt and Spoole looked to James, but the other two were still occupied with their phones.

"Hey." Adam started into his phone, "Where are you?" Adam backed a little away from the kitchen island so the others could talk. "We've got something going on in the kitchen."

"These are bomb defusal instructions?" James continued, more to himself. Matt and Spoole heard and looked at each other with concern. 

"Do you think the mail is the bomb?" Spoole asked Matt, who shook his head no.

"What the fuck? I was outside." Lawrence said, coming through the glass doors with his phone still near his ear.

"We were sent bomb defusal instructions." Peake spoke up. "And Joel is gone."

Bruce set down his phone on the counter and ran his hands through his hair. "Shit. He's not answering his phone either."

Adam and Lawrence both put their phones away.

"So now what?" Adam asked.

"Who sent it?" Lawrence questioned as he walked up to the counter.

"We don't know." Bruce sighed.

"Well-" Lawrence was interrupted by Bruce's phone vibrating. The caller ID said it was Joel and Bruce hit speakerphone immediately.

"Joel?" he quickly asked.

The other line was silent for a few painful seconds.

"Ah, no, sorry. This is Gavin Free. You up for a game?" Gavin said over speaker. He sounded like they were just talking about the weekend plans.

"Where's Joel?" Spoole asked instead. They were all worried, and not in the mood for something like this.

"Oh he's fine. Right now at least." Gavin answered. "You up for a game?" he tried again.

"This isn't a video game." Lawrence spoke.

"It's not a _video_ game, but hopscotch is still a game, and that's fun." Gavin answered without a beat.

"This isn't--" Lawrence started, but Bruce held up his hand for him to stop.

"What's the game?" Bruce asked. He leaned his elbows on the counter and glared at his phone like this Gavin was there. They others were slowly leaning in towards the phone as well, anticipating what would be said next.

"Jesus, did you even look at those papers?" Gavin asked. "The game is to defuse a bomb."

"What if we don't want to play?" Adam tested the waters of this conversation.

"Well that would blow for Joel then." Gavin stated. "Literally." he added after a moment. "Boom." he continued. "Kapow."

"Okay, okay." Bruce said, stopping Gavin from continuing. "How the fuck are we supposed to 'play' this?" he asked, irritated.

"There's a bomb, of course. You won't be able to see it, Joel will. You have the instructions on how to defuse multiple bombs, and he's doesn't know anything about it." Gavin

instructed. "Three strikes and you're out."

There was a moment of silence on the phone, and then they heard a click.

"Did he hang up?" Spoole asked as Bruce looked at his phone.

"The call is still-" Bruce started.

"Hello?" a shaky voice asked, but a familiar one. It was Joel.

"Joel!" they all said together.

"Yeah, yeah, hooray, I'm alive." Joel said. "Can we cut to the bomb thing? I don't really want to die in this dirty room."

"Uh... What do you see?" Bruce asked as James took the clip off the papers and spread them out over the countertop.

Joel cleared his throat. "It's a, uh, a two down and three across box, so there's six smaller boxes in it. But the bottom left is empty, it's just this orange box. Next to it in the middle is... Simon Says? Red on the left, blue on top, yellow on the right, and green on bottom." The red one is flashing." Joel rattled off. Every thing he would say would cause the other six to scramble over the papers and mutter to themselves about what the fuck is going on.

"A little four square?" Adam asked, immersed in the paper that was in front of him.

"Yeah, and the red is blinking." Joel answered.

"Uh..." Adam said, focused on the paper that fit the description. The others abandoned their pieces of paper and tried to look at Adam's to help.

"One of the four colored buttons will flash... using the correct table press the button with the corresponding color... the original button will flash followed by..." Adam muttered the instructions to himself. "You said red? Okay... What the fuck are strikes? Do you have any strikes?" he asked.

"No?" Joel said, uncertain. "I don't see any."

"Wait, wait. Joel, find the serial code on this thing." James interjected. "Does it have a vowel?"

They heard movement and Joel muttering to himself, reading the serial code.

"Yeah, there's a U." Joel answered

"Hit the blue button." Adam said.

They heard a beep, and two more beeps come through the line.

"Joel?" Bruce asked.

"It flashed red twice." Joel continued.

They let out a collective sigh of relief, but they weren't done yet.

"What does that mean now?" Bruce asked Adam.

"Uh... Hit blue twice." Adam answered.

They all heard the beeps of the bomb again and waited for Joel to respond.

"Red, red, yellow." Joel spoke the next order.

"Blue, blue... green." Adam continued.

"Okay it worked, I have a green light in the corner." Joel spoke.

"Add a yellow?" James asked.

"No, like, it's done I think." Joel said,

"Oh, good. What else do you see?" James asked as they went back to their own section of papers to prepare.

"There's... okay, in the top left box there's three wires going horizontal. Number one blue is connected to C, number two black is connected to C, and three, A, and B have nothing to them." Joel continued.

"Okay, okay." Lawrence chimed in, holding his piece of paper up for him to read. "Are there arrow buttons on the top and bottom?" He asked for clarification.

"Yeah." Joel answered. "Should I hit one of them?" He asked.

"No, no, no. Just stay on this one." Lawrence said. "Can you repeat what number one is?

"One is blue and connected to C." Joel answered.

Lawrence read over the paper. "I guess... Don't cut it."

"You guess?" Joel questioned. 

"Just don't do it. What's number two?" Lawrence continued.

"Number two is black and connected to C." Joel said. "Don't get me killed, please." he half-heartedly joked.

"Cut the wire." Lawrence stated. "And you'll be alright." he reassured.

"Okay, done. Am I done with this one?" Joel asked.

"No, you have to hit the arrow down." Matt added, looking at the same paper as Lawrence.

Joel sighed. "Number one red is connected to C. That's it."

"Oh, nice. Cut it." Lawrence said. "And hit the down arrow again.

"Number one blue is connected to B, number two blue is connected to B, and number three red is also connected to B." Joel continued.

"First occurrences... is that in the module or the whole thing?" Lawrence muttered to himself and to Matt.

"The instructions don't say." Matt whispered.

"Cut the... cut number one." Lawrence said to the phone, uncertain.

"Ah!" they heard Joel shout along with a loud buzz. They all jumped slightly at the volume and waited for Joel to say anything.

"Are you okay Joel?" Bruce asked. He had stood up from his chair and was holding his phone, as if that would make something better happen.

"Oh my god. You guys, I got a strike, I guess that was wrong." Joel said, trying to calm down again. Bruce set his phone and everyone calmed down slightly.

"Okay, so, cut number two and three." Lawrence instructed, looking back at the paper.

"Are you sure?" Joel asked.

"Yeah." Matt assured.

"It's green. That one is done." Joel sighed in relief.

"Thank God." Adam said, resting his head in his hands.

"Is there anything else?" James asked, looking over the remaining papers.

"Uh... there's a big button that says 'detonate'..." Joel said quietly.

"What the fuck..." Lawrence said exasperated. "Is there a page for that?"

"Yeah, this one." Spoole said, pushing his paper in the middle for everyone to see.

"See appendix A and appendix B for battery identification?" Adam questioned.

"What's the battery on this thing look like?" Bruce asked Joel as Adam looked for the battery page.

"There's two fat ones next to each other on the bottom of the case." Joel answered.

"Does the battery size matter?" Spoole asked the others.

"It doesn't say so. It just asked how many there are" Lawrence said.

"Press the button and immediately release it. Immediately." Bruce told Joel.

"Shit, okay. I'm doing it." Joel said.

They all waited for a response to see if Joel was alright, but nothing was coming through. Bruce checked to make sure his phone was still connected to the call.

"Joel?" Matt asked.

The phone clicked again and Gavin was speaking. "Well, at least this wasn't timed, that would be bad." he said.

"What happened to Joel?" Lawrence asked.

"He's good, you solved that easy bomb." Gavin answered.

"So what the hell do you want now?" James demanded.

"Nothing. I just wanted to play a game. I've got to get creative around here or it gets boring." Gavin answered nonchalantly.

"That's not--"

"Have a good day, Funhaus."

"What about--"

"He'll be on the Del Perro Pier in ten minutes."

Bruce's phone disconnected from the call.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was alright! I might write how Joel ended up in this situation or how it was when the others picked him up? Who knows, the want to write is pretty touch and go sometimes.  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
